Whenever women ask, " How? How did you survive let alone want to live after a childhood as horrendous as that?" I tell them that the answer is both a 'how' and a 'why.' The How were the gifts I came packed with, gifts of female consciousness and the Why were the girls and women outside the family both real and fictional, of magic and myth who reflected back to me the Beauty I brought with me, the truths that comprise that Beauty.
Girls and women gave me all I needed to keep staying alive. From school, guitar and dance classes, their mothers, special teachers, and those powerful characters from books, film, TV and of course, the women who authored them. In my world, in my imagination they intermingled, crossed into each other's zones, fictional characters became real, and real females transcended into pure Otherworld back and forth. And that kept me going as best as possible.
Still, I fought a death wish. And it wasn't the abuse per se that made me want to leave this world, it never really is. It was the absence of a greater female image, a communal presence, with sacred gatherings, answers, child reverence that could reflect back to me that yes, there was a place for us.
Instead, the very substitute offered was what tipped me over the edge. Self naming 'houses of worship, ' pitching, proselitizing, pushing words like 'sacred, holy, serene', while what they really did was wipe out the female image, both baby girl and woman forever or disguise her to fit their own agenda. Not one taught let alone practiced what is the number one female commandment: Honor thy child. I was in a mythical, spiritual nightmare, a dead zone. At nine I want OUT. But how? I couldn't harm my sacred being. there was no way to just gradually fade out like The Invisible Girl. So why and how did I stay?
Well, I was blessed twice over. First with the rare gift of reading archetypal truths in people, places and things. Second, using this vision with real and fictional females, places and things that helped me see what was missing, what had to be restored. They showed me the Why of coming here. That sheer sacred femaleness comprises Nancy's Truth. My story is the story of Us, the image, female consciousness; I call it Femality.
Femality is how I survived, thrive and what I teach via Nancy's Truth and the art of Phoetics.
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